Difficult Conversations

Strange as it sounds or maybe not surprising to some people who know me, I’ve made a life long habit of avoiding difficult conversations. I retreat inwards, avoid people, have an internal blow up and at times, sadly, hold resentment. All these just to avoid awkward and confronting conversations. And it is in this context that I chanced upon a post on instagram about a podcast on having difficult conversations. I was so good I listened to it three times and repeated sections multiple times.

What’s Up Docs - Difficult conversations.

“How do you tell your friend that something they’ve been doing is really starting to hurt your feelings? Talk to your mum about her health? Or even ask your partner to try something new in bed?

If just thinking about these types of conversations makes your stomach flip, you’re not alone. Most of us avoid moments like these, but how important is it to confront our interpersonal issues head on?

The docs are joined by Chartered Psychologist Kimberley Wilson to explore how we can better prepare for life’s tough but important conversations.”

What really struck me about this podcast is not so much about having a difficult conversation, but rather, it is about the personal internal dialogue that happens prior. Before a difficult conversation happens, the guest psychologist recommends reviewing how I feel and what made me feel this way. This type of self review is something that I do often and I feel it is more and more beneficial as I mature. It is a chance to pause and ask myself, how much of how I’m feeling is a result of my own actions and how events unfolded. Critically, I get to ask myself, how can I manage myself better to improve things. It is easy to blame someone else for how we feel. But the reality is that too often, it is the result of my own behaviour.

I must be doing something right. The cycle of karma led me to this podcast and shortly after it, I found myself in a situation where I had to have two difficult conversations. The first I managed well, the second did not start well but ended well when I applied the concepts listed here.

Social media may not be that bad if it provides opportunities for me to discover gems like this.

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Here are some images from my photowalk a few mornings ago as I head to my office.

Britomart, Auckland New Zealand.